Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Starting to rebuild our medical professionals list

One of the most difficult things about moving is having to find new doctors and other care providers. I built up our long list of doctors slowly over the years as we added more children and more needs. This time around I have to do it all at once. I'm not enjoying it. Some of our specialists, whom I like and we don't see all that often, I'm keeping. There is no way we can replace some of them, and I wouldn't want to even begin to try. Others, however, are not people I'm willing to drive an hour and a half one way to see. Our orthopedic doctor was one of those. He was fine, but we didn't see him often enough or have a connection strong enough to warrant keeping him.

As I might have mentioned before, Y.'s AFO's are far too small for her, as she has done such a huge amount of growing over the past year. Well, the way things work, without a new prescription we can't get the new AFO's made. And without a doctor, we can't get the prescription written. And down the rabbit hole we go. I asked the orthotics people if they could recommend an orthopedic doctor, figuring they of all people, knew and dealt with this specialty more than anyone else I had contact with. They did, gave me a name, and I made an appointment for yesterday.

(This is a complete aside for anyone living in Chicago or along the North Shore. This new doctor is in Sycamore. Sycamore is north of DeKalb. It took me as long to get to Sycamore from our house as it did to get to our pediatrician in NW Skokie from our old house. Yes, I drove to Dekalb for an appointment, and didn't even think twice about it. Just ponder that for a while. We are really west.)

I never know what to expect when meeting a new doctor. Am I going to like them... get along with them... are they going to get along with me... am I going to have to educate them about adoption, trauma, and homeschooling? I try to keep an open mind and not let the chip on my shoulder be too evident, but I'm also not going to fight with the doctors we work with, so see them as probationary until it can be discovered if we can work together. Well, this was one of those times when I hit it off immediately with a doctor. She was not put off by me, and I liked her. It was a very nice appointment.

The short story is that Y. looks great, and she also likes this new doctor because, "She gave me choices." The biggest one was if Y. wanted to keep wearing AFO's during the day, or if she would rather wear them at night instead. It seems in Y.'s case, either would be equally effective. Y. chose night, and is so very excited to never have to wear AFO's during the day again. According to Y., "She [the doctor] knows what 10 year old girls want."

I liked this doctor so much that I asked if she had any pediatricians she could recommend. I got the name of the family practitioner she uses, which would take care of primary care doctors for everyone in the family. This will be my next doctor to sort out, as I am tired of writing we don't have a pediatrician yet on forms.

It's this kind of stuff that can make one feel as though they don't really live in a place yet, and when you get it figured out make you feel that much more settled. I may just be down to dentist and oral surgeon now.

Today's fun includes a cranio-facial team appointment with three children. It will be a nearly full-day extravaganza, made even more fun by having to take three extra children with me to the appointment.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Ojo de Dios

We're almost done with our visit to Mexico, and today we were due to make a craft. I decided that making Ojo de Dios, or God's Eyes, were just about perfect for my crew. While we made them, we also listened to music from Mexico. I think the whole thing was a huge success.

L.

G., with R. and Y. in the background

Y. and G.

H., with G. in the background

Y.

L., with K. in the background

K.

Here are some of the finished ones.

It turned out that many of the children enjoyed it so much that they continued to create God's Eyes all afternoon, H. and K. in particular. Between the two of them, I think they made over 20. 

My tip for doing this, is to use variegated yarn. You get the change of colors without having to stop and start different colors of yarns. 

Monday, October 16, 2017

Happy 15th Birthday, H.!

Hayden turned 15 on Saturday. She was 9 when she came home 5 1/2 years ago. I cannot believe it has been that long. How far both she and I have come.

For her birthday breakfast, we had, as usual, donuts. Then, A. took H. out shopping. Just H. and A. H. loved it, and came home with some jewelry which A. bought for her. In the afternoon, H. spent a long time picking up the toy loft, all by herself. I know this sounds like an odd way to celebrate your birthday, but it is what she wanted. Normally the toy loft is filled with all sorts of toys, usually in some form of block city. H. is a pretty orderly person, and this drives her a little crazy. What she likes is when the blocks and toys all get put away neatly on shelves and sorted into their proper places. She really enjoys the sorting and organizing process, and gets extremely upset when her little brothers and sisters get everything out immediately upon getting it all put away. Really upset. So, for her birthday, we promised that she could pick it up, and it would stay that way for a while. This was a bit of a present to her from the younger people, as it was a stretch for them to leave it all put away for a while.

H. chose take-out Chinese food for her birthday dinner, and a store bought cake. It makes it easy for me.

Pictures from the evening.

H. and G.

H.'s birthday cake

Scenes from the party:




It was raining, so Kenzie spent the party in the bathroom closet.

One of H.'s gifts was a hand-held game system. She loved it because it was sooo close to a phone.

The other thing she asked for, and you can see she was very excited to get, was...

a Rubiks Cube. 

She was also very pleased to receive money from Grammy.... just like one of the big kids.

Figuring out the game-thing.


The pictures were compliments of TM.

So happy birthday, my darling girl. I am so thankful that you are my daughter. I have been astounded at what you have accomplished and how far you have come. I am excited to see what the future holds for you. I love you very much!

Saturday, October 14, 2017

I seemed to have missed Friday again,

but we'll do bullets anyway.

  • Today is H.'s 15th birthday. How can that be? 15 seems so darn old. We are celebrating tonight, so I'll do her birthday post on Monday, so I can include pictures.
  • I did the math, and realized that in eight years, we will have 8 teenagers in the family. That seems like a lot, doesn't it? 
  • J. bought himself a chainsaw (a piece of equipment he has been hankering after for a long time, by the way), and has been cutting down some of the many overgrown and volunteer bushes that we have growing. It is pouring today, so I can't show a picture of the progress, but we think it looks a lot nicer. 
  • A. now has a working car. It involved a couple trips to various places to look at various cars, but we are now done trying to figure out how to get everyone where they need to be with not enough vehicles. She is now trying to sell the old car, which is barely drive able due to the wheels potentially coming off. I am amazed at the number of people who have contacted her about it, even through she was honest in her description. I think it's because she had named her car Wally, and she mentioned that in the add.
  • L. has spent the entire week writing novels. The first one, which is six chapters long, was an imaginary story about Q., the quail. In it, Q. thwarts some robbers and the police reward him with a worm. But, I was also warned before I read it that it had a sad ending, "because it is an animal story, and they have to have a sad ending." She is now working on one about a penguin who is a detective. She is hoping to have B. illustrate it for her. Note that this is the first time B. is hearing about this. So, B., start working on your penguins. I believe there is also a talking panda involved.
  • I have a little Putumayo addiction. They are the record label that compiles world music in different collections. J. and I have a CD we love, and that everyone refers to as 'the cooking music' since we tend to listen to it while we are fixing dinner. And now with our around the world trip, I have an excuse to buy more. My plan is to play music from each country while we do a craft. I suppose I could have checked them out from the library, but my experience is that library CD's are usually scratched. My disk with music from Mexico arrived yesterday, and I'm liking it.
  • The weather must be finally changing, because I made several big batches of instant oatmeal for breakfast the other day. 
  • A.'s eye is getting better. She went back to the eye doctor yesterday for another follow-up. He was pleased with how it is looking, though he did add that it was a very large ulcer, so it will take a while to go away. I'm kind of glad to not have known that the ulcer was 'very big' when it was first discovered.
  • I have been having R. watch some Leap Frog Letter Factory every day for school. I didn't do it last year because even that seemed too much for her brain to take in and sort properly. She seems ready for it this year. And she is loving it. Because of her working memory issues, it will probably take about a million more viewings for it to really stick, but she can now tell us what sound some of the letters make if she hears a letter name. She also used the phonics firefly appropriately for the first time last night. She didn't get any of the letter correct, but she was at least sort of understanding that there was a process to it. This time last year, she would just randomly push buttons and ignore the spoken prompts. It's progress.
  • I love having a smaller house. To really clean it is a matter of a couple of hours at most. A couple of hours working in the Big Ugly House would have been just a small part. 
  • It has rained and thundered all night and now all day. Poor Kenzie is back to hiding in closets and bathrooms. He really enjoyed our month without rain. (And we've tried everything people have suggested, and nothing really helps. He just doesn't like thunder.) Olive doesn't seem to even notice.
Now, off to continue to get ready for birthday celebrations this evening.

Friday, October 13, 2017

Dear Mom-Shaming Mom,

I was you once, so I get it. I really do. My five children were well-behaved, cooperative, and I could take them anywhere. Life at home was pretty calm, and everyone pitched in when asked. I was a good parent. In fact, I might have even thought I was a super parent. I had this parenting gig figured out, and I was good at it. My children were the people they were because of me. Now, I would never have actually said this out loud, but I certainly said it to myself.

Frankly, this job of parenting wasn't even all that difficult. We set high standards, we followed through, we were consistent, and we added a heaping dose of love. The whole recipe worked well. If a mother was having difficulty, then surely she was using the wrong recipe. (If you go back and read some of my earlier blog posts, you will see some truly cringe-worthy examples of this thinking. I keep them up to remind me of where I was. It's humbling.) I also wasn't shy about sharing my parenting wisdom gained over the past decade with other, less-informed parents. I hope I wasn't too over-bearing, but I fear I was.

And then we had another child. You know the saying, "The higher you are, the farther you fall"? Well, I certainly learned that the hard way. This new child...

This new child didn't seem to understand how life worked: We made the decisions, he was to follow them. If he did, life was terrific. If he didn't, life wasn't quite so rosy. We were consistent. We were firm. We were careful about not rewarding unwanted behavior. We tried every trick in our parenting book; the book that had served us so well up until now.

It took far too long for me to realize that the script we were following was not going to work. If it were, this child would have been made perfect through our efforts. He was not perfect. But neither were we, his parents, nor the method of parenting we were using. We were one horrible, messed-up, imperfect mess, which for a while I wondered if it could ever be put right.

We did end up putting it right, but it was costly. Costly to my sense of what was right in terms of parenting, and costly to how I viewed my parenting abilities. It was a hard lesson, but one I'm very glad to have had.

Because here's the thing. We parents are not in charge and responsible for how our children turn out quite as much as we like to think we are. Sure, we can influence and set a general course, but we are just a part of puzzle. There are still the innate personality and experiences of the child in question. How those things interact with your parenting decides how life is going to play out. What worked well for one child, may not work at all for another. What works well in one family, may be a total train wreck in another. Even if we think we know what we are doing, we don't actually know what is going to work for that other mom.

Now, about this mom-shaming. I don't get it. Why are we all so insecure that we need to point out to another mom all the things she is doing wrong? How does that make anything better? Well, the answer is, it doesn't. That moment you are commenting on is a small slice of life. You have not seen the before or after. You do not know how life is on any given day. You do not know anything about this mom, really, or about her situation. If a medical practitioner were to offer medical advice with the same lack of information, malpractice suits would come swift and fast.

The chances are good that what you are seeing is a mom having a bad moment. We all have bad moments. Heck, forget moments, I've had bad years. If you cannot empathize with another mom having a bad moment, then I've afraid you will have a rude awakening at some point in the future, because bad moments are a part of life. Hopefully when you are having yours, someone who thinks they have it all together doesn't come along and decide to kick you when you're down.

Let's just all go back to the kindergarten rule of, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." You may think this mom is messing up totally, but do you really need to say it? Is that going to help her? How many times have people been rudely told they are doing something wrong, only to have them look the accuser in the eye, say, "Wow, you're right! I never realized it!" thank them for their concern, and leave a changed and better person? I don't know about you, but I can't picture that happening.

If you see another mom struggling, wouldn't it just be better to think the best of her, give a smile if you can't manage anything else politely, and maybe buy her a coffee? Be her friend? Get to know her? I know that to do this means you might have to realize some of the things you thought were set in stone were not. That can be hard.

Remember one thing. Attacking another person and showing that person all the mistakes they are making does not make you a better person. Don't fool yourself that you come out looking good in any way. You don't.

Be kind and do no harm.

(No, this is not in response to anything anyone said to me. I'm perfectly content with my imperfectness these days, and probably would say all this out loud to whomever it was who thought to educate me. This was in response to something else, but I thought it would make good blog fodder.)
________________
I also have a new article published. When Your Kid Says, "You aren't my real mom!" Click and share as much as you like. Thanks!

Thursday, October 12, 2017

The ER trip we missed

On Monday, A. woke up complaining that her eye hurt. Being the kind and caring mother that I am, I told her she probably had something in it and to flush it with some water. She decided to keep her contacts out because it was hurting so much. I thought this was a good idea, since you don't want to scratch your eye by putting in a contact when you have debris in your eye.

Tuesday night, A. woke up with it still hurting, and complained that she got hardly any sleep because her eye was bothering her so much. I decided that this sounded a little bit more severe than merely something in her eye, and suggested she call the eye doctor and see if they could see her. Thankfully, she had already established a relationship with an eye doctor out here because she had needed to get a new prescription for contacts earlier this summer. When she called, they first had no appointments, but when she said there seemed to be something really wrong with her eye, they squeezed her in.

Well, it turns out there was something really wrong with her eye. It turns out she had developed an ulcer on her cornea caused by a bacterial infection. The doctor prescribed some antibiotic eye drops which she was to put in every half an hour for the first three hours, and then every hour following. He wanted to see her the next day. This is when he informed her, that if it wasn't looking better, he was sending her to the ER, because the ulcer would eat her cornea if left unchecked.

I'll pause for a moment while you blink your eyes a lot and possibly squirm a bit. I know that's what I do every time I think about it.

Yesterday, she went back to the eye doctor. I held my breath to see if she would call me and tell me to meet her at the ER. It was a happy mother who heard her pull down the drive after her appointment, instead of hearing my phone ring. The swelling is definitely better, and the doctor thinks it looks better. A. is to continue putting in the eye drops (they hurt, so it won't be fun), and see the doctor again next week.

I know we will be visiting the ER at some point. I even know where it is. But I guess this wasn't to be the visit, thank goodness.

I'm still squirming about the cornea-eating ulcer, though.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Flashback

I have nothing to write, so was scrolling through the pictures I have on the computer to see if there were any that I hadn't shared, when I came across these. Look how little they are. (That's L. on the left and G. on the right.) And I loved those dresses, too. I can say that even if I made them, right? This was taken at church on Christmas Eve. It was probably before the Christmas Eve pageant. Sigh.



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